


Frenzies and the Force

by Giligan_Grapes



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Kylo Ren is a baddie, M/M, chase it til you mace it, don't feel sorry for Hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 13:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6117964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giligan_Grapes/pseuds/Giligan_Grapes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux unleashes a tirade about Kylo Ren to Supreme Leader Snoke. Based on Elle King’s Ex’s and Oh’s.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frenzies and the Force

**Author's Note:**

> Another time when I butchered a song and a fandom simultaneously. Enjoy! (And do listen to the song. That's what Youtube is there for.)

_(Hux has a private audience session with Snoke. Hux proudly begins.)_

I was raised a hawk, now I feel like a lamb

Fearing for my life cause he’s lurkin’ in the pen

Oh no, he’s a big bad wolf

It’s turning to a phobia and there’s no escape

He’s constantly on edge and cannot obey

Too late, it’s our turn to pay

 

I, you, he

Never call that a team

He’s just a big baby, clinging on your teat

 _(gagging)_ Oh, well, see

 _(apologizing)_ That image was mean

Gotta shave my head and convert to a priest

 

_(Hux recovers and resumes to his main point.)_

Frenzies and the Fo-o-orce, they don’t fit

And the mo-o-ore you force it

The bigger you fa-a-all

And soon you’ll know

Ren is a fraud!

 

( _Snoke is bored, but Hux carries on with his story._ )

I wanna settle down and have some drinks

It’s hard to have a window

When he’s busy throwing fits

How fine, to have a little time

 

Minutes fly and I’m having a blast

‘Til the Hux is needed and I ain’t pass

To fess, I knew it never lasts

 

Far too still

That sounds too good to me

Don’t stop, dammit

and don’t ever check your rear!

Left, right, here

Then I almost scream

And I’m the first to jump

when Ren laughs in my ears

 

 _(Hux is visibly shaken at this point, but Snoke remains uninterested.)_  

Unhinged and fla-a-awed, he stalked me

Now wa-a-arps my tonsils

and makes me mo-o-oan

“I’m sorry, Kylo!”

Crazies and the Fo-o-o-rce, they’re unfit

And I wo-o-on’t rest until

I will sho-o-ow

He’s just a boy

Once and for all!!!

 

 

_(Snoke sighs, still bored, and he reveals his true identity: he was Kylo all along! What a surprise! Hux gasps and continues.)_

Come to think

I should better check my fleet

I haven’t got the time

for a proper talk and tea

 

_(Kylo steps in front of Hux, threatening; says the following.)_

You won’t leave

How come you don’t wanna mix?

I prepared for a show

That you’d never want to miss!

 

_(Kylo Ren chases Hux.)_

Fences and wa-a-alls, they won’t shield

Like a bo-o-oar he hunts me

To make su-u-ure

I won’t blab more

_(He catches the General.)_

_(Hux finishes the song with an indifferent look, while Ren is busy wrecking his shit.)_

Fingers and the no-o-ose I won’t need

and the to-o-oes are ugly

So let them fa-a-all

and count them all

 _(sighs)_ Slashes and blows.


End file.
